Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
