I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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