Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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