he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
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