Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
