worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
