i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
