you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
