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See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
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