I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.