I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?