Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
thus making me awesome and them whores
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.