Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
