"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
