Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
