I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
