Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
