Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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