That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
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I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
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And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
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