I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize