We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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