So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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