perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
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HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
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She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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