i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
