So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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