he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
