Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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