Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
