I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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