3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
40s are totally the cure
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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