I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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