My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
