just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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