her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
wanna go halves on a baby?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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