im holly from the hills drunk
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
