Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
