Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
this beer tastes like vomit already
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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