i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
where am i from again
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
