you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
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