I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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