Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
