she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
