I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
