tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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