It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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