Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
