Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
