you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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