i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
