Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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