Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
