Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
50% drunk capacity currently
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
