Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
