Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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