found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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