But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
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The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
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I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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