If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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