we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
