Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
