Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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